Please, help. I just like trouble.

That's not technically true. It's not the trouble I'm looking for, I just like to walk the line between what is reasonable and insane. All lot of interesting stuff happens out there in that gray area. Plus, generally it only looks risky. From my vantage point, I've worked out all the variables I need and have got it under control, thank you.

Please, help Henry Chinaski.

Some guy with a camera hunted now the drunken muse of the phony beat poet and author, Charles Bukowski. Due to books such as Post Office, Barfly, & Confessions of a Man Insane Enough to Live With the Beasts, Mister Chinaski has been ostracized from his native city of LA. "I couldn't take the ridicule any more," he slurs in unreleased footage. Henry isn't asking for any monetary sum from you or the Bukowski estate, just that his name be crossed out of every single existing copy of those books. So please, do your part.

http://tympanictheatre.org/

A present

It's my mom's birthday today. I am cheap and we aren't really speaking to each other right now but I wanted to get her a gift. So, I've been scouring the internet for days. Here it is:

Please, help... the ol' ball 'n' chain.

It's funny how things that you don't like about yourself can so slowly become your permanent habits. Like chewing your nails or smoking. "It's just this once and then I won't do it anymore," you say to yourself. But then you find yourself doing it more and more. And doing it even when you're not prompted by the outside stimulus that was making it happen before. Then notice by contrast how hard it is to keep good habits going? You can try and try to make something like going to the gym or eating better part of your routine but you slip up once or twice and nada. So here's my idea, make the things that are good for you like guilty pleasures. And punish yourself with things like chocolate and cigarettes.

Please help the bearpiraterobot find his treasure.

It's hard for pirate captains to find their lost treasure after losing legs.

Please, help. I think I have lost my perspective.

My mom tells this story about how when she was a little kid she used to go to her grandparents and play billiards on their pool table. She had the most and when it came time for them to move years later they asked if she wanted any of their stuff that they didn't need any more. My mom wanted the pool table but when she went to collect it she realized that it was a long time ago and the table was only big enough for her to play with if she was a little girl. This story is to illustrate that sometimes mothers do and think stupid things.

Please, help... the end of the road.

I graduated at the top of my class in high school. Does anybody give a flying f**k? Likewise, right now I'm the best employee at my job & I only care because it gives me some nice perks. But is it going to matter once I leave that place? Aren't we all just graduating from one college to the next, to the next. We get to the highest level and then have to start over on the lowest as we progress. Even if we become the ruling force on this planet, we're still stuck on a tiny little planet in the vast sea of space.