Bears Find Food

Rude Awakening

This one was also done for a travel magazine. Unfortunately, they have rejected it.

For printing:

Please, help. Dogs are so stupid!

I have tried and tried to explain to him the concept that invisible doesn't mean non-existent but he refuses to listen and keeps running headlong into the door. I guess he just needs the proof of its existence impressed on his mind.

Also, Happy Birthday to Gabe.

Please, help. He's living in my neighborhood.

Walk by his window late at night and you will hear the low, steady slurping sound that is apt to chill you to the bones. Brave children say that if you can get on his front porch, you can hear him crunching Chix mix in his teeth. We know he does it because he gets fatter ever year. We see the killer's evidence on his chin and milk-stained shirt. We wouldn't judge him so much if he would just come clean. Tell everyone he has a problem. But no. Daily we see 1/2 a dozen milk bottles go in full and come out empty the next morning! It's cereal and we know it.

Please, help me remember to laugh.

The problem with jumping out a window is that you don't get to have the full experience of it. At some point your brain tunes out all the input that it's receiving. Even when you hit you should be so jacked on adrenaline that you don't feel it. I just gave myself the heebee jeebiees. It's better to watch other people do it. Then you feel better because at least that's not you.

Please, God, help me to catch her without hurting her.

Please, help. Even Elphia's skeletons are cute.

Please, help. I've never seen 1 that could keep.

Like most of these pictures, this really happened to me. That cat never really had a writable name. It was a sound that she came too. Ktty. Like a click and a hiss. She used to adore me. Would only be obedient when I asked her nicely. As she got older and felt she could get away with more things she stopped listening. So I had to stop asking her for things and started demanding them instead. Oh, she hissed, that one. Ha. And then would tear things up while I was away. Or relationship ended with a hiss as she snarled at me one last time and a click as I slowly shut the door.

Please, help. One is the loniest number.

When everyone has left Elphia for the weekend (which sometimes happens, although not too much anymore, thank the Universe) the streets get very, very quiet. You may imagine quiet to try to get some comparable idea. Think about the vacuum of space. It's like that except quieter. Any noise is like the universe collapsing back in on itself. Loneliness is lonely.

Please, help! I don't like people seeing me without my skin on!

... unless you're invited. ;p

Please, help. Even goat guys sing the blues.

Please, help... the ol' ball 'n' chain.

It's funny how things that you don't like about yourself can so slowly become your permanent habits. Like chewing your nails or smoking. "It's just this once and then I won't do it anymore," you say to yourself. But then you find yourself doing it more and more. And doing it even when you're not prompted by the outside stimulus that was making it happen before. Then notice by contrast how hard it is to keep good habits going? You can try and try to make something like going to the gym or eating better part of your routine but you slip up once or twice and nada. So here's my idea, make the things that are good for you like guilty pleasures. And punish yourself with things like chocolate and cigarettes.

Please, help. I am more than a piece of mincemeat pie.

I am really tired of being treated like just a hot piece of ass. I mean, I am so on the one hand it's understandable but at the same time it's like, "Dude! Chicas! There is more to me than this animated meat sack you see before you!" I think more than I do anything else. I am a ball of creative energy. I can fü¢k you sideways all night long but could we also sit around, talk and cuddle? I am both interesting & interested in how your mind works.

Please, help. We're the teardrops of heaven.