Please, help. It only looks like I'm crazy!

Multiple personality disorder is no joking matter. But it is kind of funny to watch Yoda change his voice 15 times during a half hour conversation. It's so involved, his face awrithe with twitches and spasms.

Please, help they had to quarantine me when I got back home.

When I got back from the desert they had no idea what I had caught. I was shaking and stammering. Couldn't get a lick of sense out of me. I felt much better after I came out of the case, sometimes I do that just so I can have a chance to decompress.

Please help me not be such a freak.

It was a botched nose job, the story said. Yeah, according the Elphia Gazette some old man was sick and tired of what everyone had been calling the EggplantSnozz for as long as I can remember. Guy goes in and then comes out with a Gator-Face. The Globe had a field day with the story. Neither paper gives that man's real name though because no one, not even him, can remember what he was originally called by his parents.

Please, help keep me from shooting up.

So this one is totally true. I wouldn't lie about this ever because I am your King and you are one of my loyal subjects. It's been something I've been wanting to get off my chest for a long time. I am so afraid of doctors. You have no idea how much it petrifies to even think about going to see someone in the medical profession. My mind makes up lots of good reasons why it's completely justified. a) Most of them are probably bought off by the pharmaceutical companies, essentially becoming pushers for whatever untested, quick-fix (with a long list of side effects) medications they come up with b) the more often a person is sick the more a doctor can make off of them and in a capitalist society it would make logical to do just short of all you can to keep raking in the dough c) I fr@¢king scared of getting poked by needles. I hate that feeling of little metal thing sliding under your skin. oh, puke! It's making me wiggle in my seat as I type.

Please, help. I just like trouble.

That's not technically true. It's not the trouble I'm looking for, I just like to walk the line between what is reasonable and insane. All lot of interesting stuff happens out there in that gray area. Plus, generally it only looks risky. From my vantage point, I've worked out all the variables I need and have got it under control, thank you.

Please, help. I don't trust doctors.

Really, I don't trust Western doctors. It seems like there philosophy has been for quite a long time, "Cut out or drug the offending parts." They seem to see only the list of symptoms so they go about trying them without really getting to the crux of what's going wrong. & not even seeming to care. Most doctors to, it seems to me, are so cocky about it to like they learned how to drug people in school so it must be the right answer.

I appreciate Eastern medicine, though. I think that it makes sense to see the body as a whole; noticing that everything effects everything. & Freudian psychology in noticing that everything has a deeper more abstract meaning to it. It's not that there are sick & crazy people, they both seem to notice that people can have sickness or craziness inside of them. It's that PC thing where it puts the person in front of the illness so that you don't forget the context of the treatment.

So listen up all you doctors who have nothing better to do with your time than to read my blog. I really told you... right? Right? Hello?