Spanxzilla: Annie. Slutting on broken glass.

I started writing this post on 11/9/09 to comment on how Annie Lennox, "Walking on Broken Glass" gets mixed in with anything. But I stopped myself from saying anything because I could only vaguely think of a couple weird connections. So I have been waiting Elphians until I had a solid case. Today is that day.

- Ms. Lennox will understandably play between Aqua, "Barbie Girl" and ATC, "Like a Drum"

- But she will also jump in between kids songs "Hakuna Matata", Tim Rice and The Sounds of Sesame Street "Elmo Would you Drive My Car?"

- And to top it off today, she came up first in the queue which is great. Even if that song is kind of Pandora-slutty it's nice to listen to. But she was used to lead into a grinding, squealing guitar run starting with "Ratamahatta" Sepultura and ending with Rob Zombie's "Thunder Kiss '65" (which has become my all time favorite squealing, guitar song because of the solo that he does at the end of the live track).

To some up, I have nothing against Annie Lennox. I'd just like to hear more of her music. And I think it's strange that broken glass has a list of genomes with such a high level of versatility. I wonder how many other songs exist like this.

Please, help us complete rule 34.

There's not a lot for these guys to do except once a year and even then they don't really do most of the work anymore. After they went corporate they've had reliable stand-ins and they have had the chance to step back from the action and enjoy the years hard work they put in. The problem with these guys is that they have been breaking into people's houses for years. They have a skewed sense of morality to say the least. Making this rule 34 was actually their idea.

Please, help. Even the music in my head is emo.

Tragic. I know. What's the point of anything really. Let's all climb inside our own cradles of filth and confess things to our dashboards while we're looking for our new found glory. Tragic.

I know.

Please, help. Is there anyway to tell if a relationship is actually working?

They just seem so mismatched. And maybe that's the beauty of it. Maybe.

Please help. I'm a werewolf in sheep clothing.

It's funny how you can never escape from your own experiences. I was raised in the American Church Conglomerate by a wild pack of fundamentalists. Our sect was different than other versions of American Christianity in that it was stressed that the Bible was, in fact, literally true. We were steeped in the gospel from birth until I left home. Yeagh.

Fast forward to the present where I live very far from that world and that life. I'm the King of Elphia for Christ's sake. I mean, really, how much farther away can you get? From anywhere, truth be told. So I got a weird sense of nostalgia when I climbed into a cab and the driver began to proselytize me. Weirder still, suddenly all of the scriptures that I was made to memorize for candy and promises of heaven came rushing back, pouring from my mouth like sweet water from a rock. I wish that I had had an outside perspective on this situation and that the only thing was actually coming from my mouth was, "baa, baa!"

Pleez help. He didn't level up proportionately.

A friend of mine, the Earl of Delsdale (if you must know), caught (or had caught (it's hard to tell with the Earl as he is quite capable but often lazy for the sake of laziness (no offense, EoD))) a Perfulgeon. He must have had someone else catch it because they didn't seem to notice it's obvious birth defect. Actually, that was probably why they were able to catch it (normally a full grown Perfulgeon can move at a speed of 156 kph in the water); this guy was doing slow figure eights with that sad sack expression. The Earl named him Charlie McFearson because he felt so sorry for him.

pleez help. i iz purty shore they leff-ted me out hair

No one ever told me what a snipe looked like. I was just supposed to go out and find it. Remind you of anything? What is Life? is correct! We're all just out hunting snipes. Whatever they are.