A Funny Story

Seals having a good time

I've mentioned before that I am all for everyone having a good time. Do what you want with who you want, I don't care. But I have been warned of a very dangerous situation brewing. The most insidious that must be stopped. Clubbing seals fill the streets every night, barking to each other after all the other citizens, including myself, are asleep.

No crackers makes a hungry Polly.

Bears Find Food

Don't fuck with a ninja

The most updated version of this shirt. Please vote.

Previously:

I know that everyone feels like this from time-to-time. If you could, you know you would.

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The Adventures of Buttman: The Office

For Buttman magazine, US.

Rude Awakening

This one was also done for a travel magazine. Unfortunately, they have rejected it.

For printing:

The Adventures of Buttman: The Streets

Duck the collar.

I had to go in disguise to an office downtown. It was only after I got home, took off the tie & put my collar back on that I remembered how taxing it is to wear a leash that doesn't jingle.

Working it

I did this one for a travel magazine. I showed them some previous panels and they said that they liked my style but they needed something with more applicable content. So I authored and drew this one. I like it. I don't generally do multiple panel strips but it was interesting to give myself time to set up a joke. I really like how the colors turned out. Unfortunately, I had to grayscale it for submission but it still looks sweet.

A Letter from the Past to Future

Here is an excerpt from a letter that I received from my grade school teacher,

"Sorry to hear you are out of work.... We are reading an interesting book here... about looking in the mirror and confronting the ugly side of us... I can take care of ugly or try to run away from it. Sometimes I do a little of both."

I am not out of work. That makes it sound as if I sitting on my couch eating Doritos and moaning about how there's nothing to do. I work over 40 a week writing, drawing and soliciting publications. I was fired from my last job for being severely depressed about the waste of time that I was allowing my life to be. It was a struggle just to maintain a mask of normalcy. I tried to explain the situation to both of my bosses but each conversation ended with them being offended because I felt their job had no meaning for me. I tried to explain in further conversations that while what they do has an obvious bearing on their lives, since they've made it their careers, I was only there to do whatever they asked and collect a paycheck.

I'm not a jerk; I lack tact. It's both my greatest skill and my biggest weakness. I call things like I see them and find it impossible to hide how I feel. I have worked very hard for that ability, open expression is the greatest gift of the artist. When I was growing up my parents didn't allow us the freedom to think and feel for ourselves. But it's necessary for me. When I stop listening to my inner driving forces is when my personality truncates and I am left wooden, two-dimensional. I did nothing in particular that upset my coworkers and I was selling a shit ton of merchandise because people liked my open honesty. But my coworkers were taking it personally that I was unable to interact with them in a superficial way.

Where I work in the creative world, confidence in one's choices and the ability to express oneself is the most vital skill one can have. My boss said to me right before she fired me, "Caleb, I need you to pretend like this job means something. It's an acting gig." God, pretend. I pretend for the purpose of entertainment and here she was asking me to fake my way through reality. I can't, I won't. In fact, I hate people that behave that way. Moments after I start a conversation with these people it begins to get stale. People that only live their lives on the surface lose their personality to a mask, they lose their ability to feel and stop pursuing their desires. So I've cast my lot in with the freaks and outsiders, the ones that say what they're thinking and don't worry about how it is going to be received. I prefer it because at least I know what's going on with them and I can respect their opinion even if I disagree with it wholeheartedly.

I'm not hiding, I'm not running. I recognize myself and am taking appropriate action toward goals that satisfy me as a sentient being. There is no such thing as an "ugly side" to humanity au natural. We create it when we try to mask our differences in order to fit into polite society. It is the putting on the mask that creates all sorts of deviants. "This is okay, this is not okay" is bullshit because this is how I feel. We can not evolve socially if we are trying to shield ourselves from the naked truth of what is. Our heroes are the ones that are not afraid to show us everything that they are. It's all the others that end up going to their graves like cattle.

Too much? Then forget everything I just said and insert the words, "Yes, ma'am. You are absolutely right." The only way we can deal with our "ugliness" is by existing in it and being okay with the fact that we are who we are. It is this path that will bring fulfillment and prosperity to my life.

Just keep your headlights up, Rolls.

I try to bike around the kingdom as often as possible. I love it. Generally you can get wherever you need to faster than if you had taken public transportation or driven. Plus there are sooo many places to park. I just want to make sure that our big brothers are looking out for us. If we hit you, you get dented. If you hit us, we're broken.

Where great art comes from

You're only going to laugh at this one if you realize how true it is. If you're in a more structured job where you show up and do tasks but put nothing of yourself in it then this strip probably won't strike you as funny. Don't worry about it, if you scroll down a little further there is an amusing dick joke.

Baby Dick

I'm sure that the tag will bring all sorts of lurking to our fair kingdom. I'm sure some point someone will get offended. That happens at pretty regular intervals (see below). This one was actually inspired when I was described as having "Gimli dick" in reference to the dwarf from Lord of the Rings.

The King is back!

Citizens rejoice! I have spent time away to learn from the rulers of neighboring fiefdoms and am returning stronger than ever. You will notice some distinct changes: Full color. Shadows. The loss of the "please, help..." tag & the new meme format. Evolution is a constant process and your king is no different.

Doing it.

I recently got let go from yet another job. It was the same confusing rhetoric that I get every time that I get fired.

"Um, Caleb, you're doing a great job here..."

"Awesome. Thanks."

At this point, I assume the conversation is over and try to get back to whatever it was that I was doing.

"We've never had anyone that has been able [make sales, lift furniture, sort junk, whatever it is that job is] as well as you."

"Sweet."

Again, trying to get back to work. All of these compliments are great but there are things to do. And if I don't do them, no one's going to.

"But, the thing is..."

Uh, oh. This sounds very familiar....

"Everyone here is complaining that you're an asshole."

"What?"

Generally, it takes me by surprise. I guess it really shouldn't anymore. I have pretty high expectations about the work that I turn out. I believe that if we can keep our minds on the task at hand and do our work with care, than we can turn out absolute quality every time. It doesn't happen all the time and their can be minor slip-ups but it is essential that we all try.

For the most part, I have never felt that from any my co-workers in what you would consider a "straight job". Most people that work those types, the button down, tie-wielding, would-you-like-fries-with-that? are the type of people that don't like to think for themselves. They want someone to tell them what to do, they do it passably enough that no one yells at them and then they go home. They're happy as long as they don't have to engage or apply themselves. I hear often from these people, "Hey, slow down. Why are you working so hard."

It kind of upsets me. Why the fuck are you doing a task if you don't care how it turns out? Why are you wasting the time of our employers and customers? And I don't see that attitude from the people that I work with creatively. I'm sure farther into the field there are lots of these fucks that have found themselves a cozy little niche and are milking the clock like suckling pigs. But the ones that I meet with care very much about what they turn out. They care how their products reflect on them because their name is going to be attached to it.

So, I got let go again last week. I was doing a wonderful job, my boss says, but all my co-workers hate me. They say that I'm being an asshole but really I was just asking them to step up their game by doing the best that I was capable of. So I figured instead of crying and scrambling to find yet another straight job that will inevitably crumble out under me in another year so, I'm free-lancing. It's just time.

I've been training for almost a decade, refining my drawing, writing and acting. I understand the creative process. I know how to find inspiration and how to work it out so that the idea becomes fully realized. Now all I need to do is get paid. Sure it will be a lot of hard work, stressful, dealing with the unknown but its better than the feeling that I am in place where I'm constantly failing because I'm surrounded by people that have given up and no longer give a shit. Those feelings are contagious. I had to get out before they finally consumed me.

Return to Spanxzilla

Citizens, it's been forever since I've been our little kingdom. It feels like aeons since I've been gone. There has been so much happening in other places and times. Oddly enough, I haven't listened to Spanxzilla in a minute. Cracks me up. Here's the last half hour of my life.

The World is New, Save Ferris ---> Crazy, Gnarls Barkly ---> Putting on the Ritz, Rufus Wainwright ---> Speak to Me/Breathe, Pink Floyd ---> The Rockafeller Skank, Fat Boy Slim ---> and finally Heaven, Los Lonely Boys

Looks like it's on a "strong male vocalist" tangent. Whichever, the range is pretty fantastic. The only thing I could wish that could top it would be if Richard Cheese came on