Please help. I'm a werewolf in sheep clothing.

It's funny how you can never escape from your own experiences. I was raised in the American Church Conglomerate by a wild pack of fundamentalists. Our sect was different than other versions of American Christianity in that it was stressed that the Bible was, in fact, literally true. We were steeped in the gospel from birth until I left home. Yeagh.

Fast forward to the present where I live very far from that world and that life. I'm the King of Elphia for Christ's sake. I mean, really, how much farther away can you get? From anywhere, truth be told. So I got a weird sense of nostalgia when I climbed into a cab and the driver began to proselytize me. Weirder still, suddenly all of the scriptures that I was made to memorize for candy and promises of heaven came rushing back, pouring from my mouth like sweet water from a rock. I wish that I had had an outside perspective on this situation and that the only thing was actually coming from my mouth was, "baa, baa!"