Please, help. The cube is killer.

Okay, kiddies, let's gather around for a true story from your King. When I was new to this land, before King Elean died and ceded his throne to me, I met and fell in love with a foreign lass. She had long blonde hair, a hot accent, and a very bad attitude. But I was alone in the land and knew nothing of how disastrous bad attitudes can be. To shrink the story to appropriate blog length, that bad attitude turned into a Banshee's storm of shrieking and wailing when the time came up for her to break up with me. It was funny. I haven't experienced that before or since but she was angry that she was breaking up with me. Like she had no choice in the matter. And that went on for a couple of months. After one of the final yelling bouts, I took a Rubik's cube that she had given me and twisted around and around and around. Until I had no idea how I had mixed it up. It was an apt analogy for the way I felt. Then I vowed that I would not try to get another girl in my life until I figured out how to unknot that cube. So I went three years without any close interaction with women trying to solve that puzzle. And then one day I finally did. I realized that it was me that was knotted up. That I was letting someone else twist and turn me this way and that with their attitudes. But I didn't have to let them do that. I was the one who decided where my colors went and I was responsible for putting them there.

P.S. Leaded B rocks.

Please, help. Dusty doesn't agree.

The far right guy was originally going to where a shirt that read, "Everyone sucks" when he got up that morning but he felt it was too offensive. So he opted for this one... and still ended up pissing everyone off. Some days you just can't win.

Please, help. I'm too heavy for this ship.

I don't remember why I started drawing this one. There was something happening in the house that I didn't feel big enough to face so I figured it would be easier if I just shipped myself away from the trouble. It obviously wasn't that big of a deal, I'm still alive, aren't I?

Chimera in their natural environment

This found at http://www.fistofblog.com/2009/04/27/

Amazing! I must get one imported to our zoo.

Please, help. Everyone wants a piece of my tail.

Oh, man. Here's the thing, in high school teachers and advisers and your parents make you believe that if you don't go to college you won't become anything. They put a lot of faith in knowledge without stocking up know-how. To a certain extent an education can really help you out, there is a level of knowledge that most people should attain but college isn't really for the gathering of knowledge in most fields. There is some but even for the degrees that require you to know a lot, the most important aspect in getting a job is less what you know and more who you know. I should go back to school, I have so much drive and ability to impress by my sheer will desire to get things done right, every employer I have ever met wants to work for them forever. With a degree I could show the right people I have drive. Or maybe, I'll go the Bill Gates route and show them without one. Everyone wants a piece of my tail.

Please, help. I don't want to but I am anyway.

It can't be helped, I understand.

Please, help. A suit is only so strong.

Strongest to weakest it goes, Spades-Hearts-Diamonds-Clubs. Aces high. I've got to get that pretty lady to take my card.

The Dangerous Fireman's Pole.

I was looking for this image for a completely different reason. I love the sign.

PleaAse, help! eNERgy drinks mAke me JITteRY!!

I just got a can at a street fair, they're just handing them out like crazy. Caffeine, taurine, B12, Niacin, ginseng, high fructose corn syrup. All of a sudden I am twitchy as hell and can't hold still. Had to take the bike out for a ride through the neighborhoods so my legs could stop jitterbugging every which way. It pisses my cat off, too.

I do not support Starbucks. I do support Aaron Kozbial.

Please help me not be such a freak.

It was a botched nose job, the story said. Yeah, according the Elphia Gazette some old man was sick and tired of what everyone had been calling the EggplantSnozz for as long as I can remember. Guy goes in and then comes out with a Gator-Face. The Globe had a field day with the story. Neither paper gives that man's real name though because no one, not even him, can remember what he was originally called by his parents.

Please, help. One is the loniest number.

When everyone has left Elphia for the weekend (which sometimes happens, although not too much anymore, thank the Universe) the streets get very, very quiet. You may imagine quiet to try to get some comparable idea. Think about the vacuum of space. It's like that except quieter. Any noise is like the universe collapsing back in on itself. Loneliness is lonely.

Please help give a warm welcome to.... The Show Vanisms!!!

This band was so awesome! I love them. Like O.m.G! I remember sitting there watching them set up. Clever name, I thought. So the band is sold on a clever name. Awesome. Well, I've got nothing better to do, my gf just broke up with me. So - they're no Leaded B but wow. They won a MTV contest right after I saw them and currently have a show being made about the tour they're on. The King's presence can change a lot of things.

Inconsequently, today is my birthday.

Please, help! I don't like people seeing me without my skin on!

... unless you're invited. ;p

Please, help me get Cap'd.

Those Caps sure are handy. I have a couple different ones that I wear depending on my mood. The one I'm wearing now is called Fog Machine.