Rude Awakening

This one was also done for a travel magazine. Unfortunately, they have rejected it.

For printing:

Baby Dick

I'm sure that the tag will bring all sorts of lurking to our fair kingdom. I'm sure some point someone will get offended. That happens at pretty regular intervals (see below). This one was actually inspired when I was described as having "Gimli dick" in reference to the dwarf from Lord of the Rings.

Please, help. No matter how you slice it, it doesn't get more interesting than in and out.

Please, help. Teeth are bones.

Rolling dice in the yard... the usual. i had already bet away all of my chocolate. i tried to shit out more but it looked like I was just gonna have to wait... Toothfairy says teeth.... I feel lucky.... Don't fuck with her, kids. She's a real mean summabitch.

Please, help us complete rule 34.

There's not a lot for these guys to do except once a year and even then they don't really do most of the work anymore. After they went corporate they've had reliable stand-ins and they have had the chance to step back from the action and enjoy the years hard work they put in. The problem with these guys is that they have been breaking into people's houses for years. They have a skewed sense of morality to say the least. Making this rule 34 was actually their idea.

Please help, I don't know what to do with it now.

Please, help. Even Elphia's skeletons are cute.

Please, help. Some kids aren't full of shit.

I know, it's incredibly hard to distinguish the real stuff from the bullshit. But in some way they are telling the truth even if it's analogously.

Please, help. He's losing his innocence just by being around me.

This one is dedicated to my friend, Aaron a straight-edge Christian. This is what I would imagine that he would do if he was making porn.